# Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Cloud computing has been a hot topic in the software industry for the past couple years. Many of us hear about cloud technologies such as Windows Azure, but don't know how to get started.

I wanted to make it easy to find that information, so I'm organizing a 1-day conference to teach people about Windows Azure.

The Detroit Day of Azure will take place Saturday March 24 from 8AM to 6PM at the Microsoft office in Southfield, MI.

14 speakers from 8 different states have agreed to deliver 19 presentations at this event. The speakers (listed below) are among the foremost Azure experts in the region. The list includes MVPs, Microsoft insiders, book authors, and people delivering real Azure solutions for their customers.

Dennis Burton
Michael Collier
Jason Follas
John Ferringer
David Giard
Joe Kunk
Jennifer Marsman
Jeff Nuckolls
Brian Prince
Mark Stanislav
Brent Stineman
Mike Wood
Chander Dhall
Eric Boyd

Azure MVP and Sogeti National Cloud Computing Lead Brent Stineman will deliver the keynote; then we will split into 3 rooms for the rest of the day, where you can choose from several great topics and speakers. Our plans are to record at least some of the conference on video. We may even live stream some of it, but that is still in the planning phase.

We will designate one room for programmers to build Azure applications. Attendees can bring a laptop and either work on their own project or work through the Azure labs, which we will provide for you. Many smart people will be around if you get stuck. Remember to download and install the Azure SDK and sign up for a free Azure Trial before you arrive!

Download Azure SDK
Sign Up for Free Azure Trial

As with any successful event, many people helped out. Onorio Catenacci, Jamie Altizer, Matt Ruma, Shelly Noll, Sukhdev Tur, Justin Baker, Akhil Mahajan, Brian Korzynski, Jelard Macalino, Jim Priore, and Falicia Starr have volunteered their time to help; while Microsoft, Sogeti, The Epitec Group, Telerik, and RIIS donated their money; while Pluralsight, Wrox, and O'Reilly donated products to give away.

If you have been attending the Great Lakes Area .NET User Group (where I was president the last two years), you won't be surprised to learn that we are serving some excellent food at this event. Included in the $20 admission cost is a continental breakfast and a buffet lunch from Lockhart’s barbeque in Royal Oak. We will also have some door prizes to give away at the end of the day.

More information on the Detroit Day of Azure is available at http://DetroitDayOfAzure.com. You can register at http://DayOfAzure.eventbrite.com/.

Space is limited and only a few tickets remain.

I'm very excited about this event and looking forward to it as an organizer, as a speaker, and as an attendee.

Saturday, 06 April 2013 10:48:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Monday, 08 April 2013 06:25:41 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Hi Bin Cheng,I guess that depends on what you mean by ‘Media Pipeline’. Traditionally, that term is reserved for a filter-graph pipeline of sources, transforms and sinks (DirectShow / Media Foundation) which acts on the frames or groups of frames of a single stream or file. This does not apply to Media Services. Media services acts on individual files and groups of files (at a much higher level) arranged in logical objects we call assets. For more on assets, see the bottom of .The server components do deal with smaller sub-sections of files, typically: 2 seconds groups of pictures for H.264 encoded video (for smooth streaming) and 10 seconds of interleaved audio and video for HLS transport streams. But this is only when streaming them. Otherwise, they flow through the system, and are acted upon, as ‘assets’.Transmuxing is the process of extracting the elementary stream(s) from a container and, typically, writing it to a new container. An example would be from an MP4 container into a transport stream (.ts). The media content is the same, but it has been ‘wrapped’ differently. Various target player frameworks may need different ‘wrappers’, the player frameworks unwrap these, and pass the media information down to the decoder (which is often offered by the hardware or operating system platform), for actual playback.Unfortunately, due to deep market penetration of particular mobile devices (I’m sure you don’t have to think hard to know which device I’m referring to!), some container formats and transfer protocols persist despite significant standardizations efforts in the media industry (Common Streaming Format, Common Encoding Format and DASH). These new standards offer content owners significant advantages, but ultimately, delivery is dictated by the receiving device and it’s massive market share — so transmuxing is required to accommodate it. Doing it ‘in the cloud’ allows companies to concentrate on their business model, not the details of the media transforms.

Monday, 08 April 2013 06:26:01 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Hi Bin Cheng,I guess that depends on what you mean by ‘Media Pipeline’. Traditionally, that term is reserved for a filter-graph pipeline of sources, transforms and sinks (DirectShow / Media Foundation) which acts on the frames or groups of frames of a single stream or file. This does not apply to Media Services. Media services acts on individual files and groups of files (at a much higher level) arranged in logical objects we call assets. For more on assets, see the bottom of .The server components do deal with smaller sub-sections of files, typically: 2 seconds groups of pictures for H.264 encoded video (for smooth streaming) and 10 seconds of interleaved audio and video for HLS transport streams. But this is only when streaming them. Otherwise, they flow through the system, and are acted upon, as ‘assets’.Transmuxing is the process of extracting the elementary stream(s) from a container and, typically, writing it to a new container. An example would be from an MP4 container into a transport stream (.ts). The media content is the same, but it has been ‘wrapped’ differently. Various target player frameworks may need different ‘wrappers’, the player frameworks unwrap these, and pass the media information down to the decoder (which is often offered by the hardware or operating system platform), for actual playback.Unfortunately, due to deep market penetration of particular mobile devices (I’m sure you don’t have to think hard to know which device I’m referring to!), some container formats and transfer protocols persist despite significant standardizations efforts in the media industry (Common Streaming Format, Common Encoding Format and DASH). These new standards offer content owners significant advantages, but ultimately, delivery is dictated by the receiving device and it’s massive market share — so transmuxing is required to accommodate it. Doing it ‘in the cloud’ allows companies to concentrate on their business model, not the details of the media transforms.

Friday, 19 April 2013 07:00:38 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you have the receipt showing you changed the oil, and is detailed from a legitimate shop you may be OK. However, changing it 2500 miles early would be OK, but you still need to do the 7500 mile service. It’s not just an oil change. They check to see if things are still working OK and aligned on the car. You need to read the warranty booklet and see what your obligations are as the owner. How did you find out it’s void? Did you take it in for a repair? It gets tricky because, say the radio broke. Well, they can’t void that because of a missed oil change. It’s not all or nothing. The failure has to be related to specific neglect. Talk to the manager at the Volvo dealer where you bought the car and see what he says. If that doesn’t work, write a letter to Volvo as shown in the owners manual. If however you missed the service, you have given them a loophole if a related failure occurs. If Volvo hasn’t told you the warranty is void, I wouldn’t worry about it. They’re a pretty good company.

Saturday, 20 April 2013 06:52:44 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Cons (based on first week of usage):
- Auto shutoff kicks in a bit late for my taste. My older kettle shuts off a bit earlier, but this is a personal thing.
- Oily residue on the inside of the kettle. Difficult to remove, even after several rinsings with vinegar/water solution and dishwashing soap. Update: I don’t notice the residue now, although it took 5 or 6 boilings to get to that point.
- Inside is NOT entirely stainless steel, as another reviewer mentioned. There is the plastic(?) water level gauge, as well as a removable plastic mounting bracket for the filter, which is itself plastic. The wonderful shiny blue light (mentioned in the other reviews) comes from a small plastic casing at the base of the kettle. There is also a steel rod connecting the cap of the kettle to the base, and there is a small rubber seal at the base of this rod. This is not a lot of plastic compared to some kettles, but it is there.
Pros:
- Sturdy and straightforward to use.
- Easy push-button cap that springs open and clicks shut.
- Update (3/27/2011): Seems pretty durable–still going strong after a year of daily use.
The cons above seem to be common to most kettles. Also, the exterior of the kettle gets very hot, although this is normal for a kettle.

Saturday, 20 April 2013 06:52:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Cons (based on first week of usage):
- Auto shutoff kicks in a bit late for my taste. My older kettle shuts off a bit earlier, but this is a personal thing.
- Oily residue on the inside of the kettle. Difficult to remove, even after several rinsings with vinegar/water solution and dishwashing soap. Update: I don’t notice the residue now, although it took 5 or 6 boilings to get to that point.
- Inside is NOT entirely stainless steel, as another reviewer mentioned. There is the plastic(?) water level gauge, as well as a removable plastic mounting bracket for the filter, which is itself plastic. The wonderful shiny blue light (mentioned in the other reviews) comes from a small plastic casing at the base of the kettle. There is also a steel rod connecting the cap of the kettle to the base, and there is a small rubber seal at the base of this rod. This is not a lot of plastic compared to some kettles, but it is there.
Pros:
- Sturdy and straightforward to use.
- Easy push-button cap that springs open and clicks shut.
- Update (3/27/2011): Seems pretty durable–still going strong after a year of daily use.
The cons above seem to be common to most kettles. Also, the exterior of the kettle gets very hot, although this is normal for a kettle.

Saturday, 20 April 2013 06:52:58 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Cons (based on first week of usage):
- Auto shutoff kicks in a bit late for my taste. My older kettle shuts off a bit earlier, but this is a personal thing.
- Oily residue on the inside of the kettle. Difficult to remove, even after several rinsings with vinegar/water solution and dishwashing soap. Update: I don’t notice the residue now, although it took 5 or 6 boilings to get to that point.
- Inside is NOT entirely stainless steel, as another reviewer mentioned. There is the plastic(?) water level gauge, as well as a removable plastic mounting bracket for the filter, which is itself plastic. The wonderful shiny blue light (mentioned in the other reviews) comes from a small plastic casing at the base of the kettle. There is also a steel rod connecting the cap of the kettle to the base, and there is a small rubber seal at the base of this rod. This is not a lot of plastic compared to some kettles, but it is there.
Pros:
- Sturdy and straightforward to use.
- Easy push-button cap that springs open and clicks shut.
- Update (3/27/2011): Seems pretty durable–still going strong after a year of daily use.
The cons above seem to be common to most kettles. Also, the exterior of the kettle gets very hot, although this is normal for a kettle.

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Tuesday, 13 August 2013 09:55:00 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013 09:55:12 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013 18:28:36 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013 18:28:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 02:17:09 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 02:17:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 10:23:28 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 10:23:39 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 17:26:59 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Wednesday, 14 August 2013 18:26:50 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013 18:27:13 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 04:52:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 04:52:34 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 12:57:24 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 12:57:25 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 21:00:57 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Thursday, 15 August 2013 21:03:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Friday, 16 August 2013 04:53:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Friday, 16 August 2013 04:53:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Friday, 16 August 2013 12:37:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Friday, 16 August 2013 12:37:10 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Friday, 16 August 2013 20:59:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Saturday, 17 August 2013 04:47:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Saturday, 17 August 2013 16:28:27 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Saturday, 17 August 2013 19:59:43 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Sunday, 18 August 2013 04:01:26 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Sunday, 18 August 2013 10:57:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Sunday, 18 August 2013 14:52:35 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Sunday, 18 August 2013 15:23:31 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Monday, 19 August 2013 01:17:02 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Monday, 19 August 2013 02:20:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Monday, 19 August 2013 13:45:14 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Monday, 19 August 2013 15:54:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013 01:49:46 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013 07:39:15 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013 09:13:28 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Tuesday, 20 August 2013 13:33:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Tuesday, 20 August 2013 23:09:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013 01:31:38 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013 12:56:50 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013 13:49:58 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Thursday, 22 August 2013 01:17:41 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Thursday, 22 August 2013 05:40:36 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Thursday, 22 August 2013 06:06:28 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Thursday, 22 August 2013 13:25:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Thursday, 22 August 2013 21:58:15 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Friday, 23 August 2013 02:00:05 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Friday, 23 August 2013 13:26:10 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Friday, 23 August 2013 13:52:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Saturday, 24 August 2013 02:47:43 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Saturday, 24 August 2013 05:43:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Saturday, 24 August 2013 14:24:19 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Saturday, 24 August 2013 21:07:16 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Sunday, 25 August 2013 02:26:46 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Wednesday, 28 August 2013 23:28:25 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Wednesday, 28 August 2013 23:30:05 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Thursday, 29 August 2013 08:44:55 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Thursday, 29 August 2013 08:45:00 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Thursday, 29 August 2013 17:35:49 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Friday, 30 August 2013 02:51:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Friday, 30 August 2013 02:51:17 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Friday, 30 August 2013 11:30:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Friday, 30 August 2013 11:30:48 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Friday, 30 August 2013 20:30:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Friday, 30 August 2013 20:30:44 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 05:31:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 05:31:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 13:55:15 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 13:55:29 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 22:14:50 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Saturday, 31 August 2013 22:15:00 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Sunday, 01 September 2013 06:15:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Sunday, 01 September 2013 06:15:50 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Sunday, 01 September 2013 14:16:36 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Sunday, 01 September 2013 14:16:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Sunday, 01 September 2013 22:19:34 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Sunday, 01 September 2013 22:19:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Monday, 02 September 2013 06:31:30 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Monday, 02 September 2013 06:31:36 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Monday, 02 September 2013 15:21:07 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Monday, 02 September 2013 15:21:10 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 00:18:24 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 00:18:24 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 08:40:35 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 08:40:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 17:16:23 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Tuesday, 03 September 2013 17:16:49 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Wednesday, 04 September 2013 02:22:18 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Wednesday, 04 September 2013 10:41:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Wednesday, 04 September 2013 10:41:10 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Wednesday, 04 September 2013 19:34:11 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Wednesday, 04 September 2013 19:35:14 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Thursday, 05 September 2013 04:47:58 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Thursday, 05 September 2013 04:48:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Thursday, 05 September 2013 13:31:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Thursday, 05 September 2013 22:33:30 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Thursday, 05 September 2013 22:33:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Friday, 06 September 2013 07:04:18 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Friday, 06 September 2013 07:04:33 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Friday, 06 September 2013 16:39:55 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Friday, 06 September 2013 16:40:27 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Saturday, 07 September 2013 04:13:12 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Saturday, 07 September 2013 04:13:43 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Saturday, 07 September 2013 18:41:52 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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Thursday, 12 September 2013 06:17:30 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Thursday, 12 September 2013 17:19:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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Friday, 13 September 2013 06:56:41 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
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Friday, 13 September 2013 17:21:04 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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Friday, 13 September 2013 20:54:15 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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Saturday, 14 September 2013 06:18:37 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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Saturday, 14 September 2013 10:15:44 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
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Saturday, 14 September 2013 18:44:39 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
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Sunday, 15 September 2013 00:28:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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Sunday, 15 September 2013 07:13:06 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Sunday, 15 September 2013 13:14:02 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Sunday, 15 September 2013 19:08:56 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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Monday, 16 September 2013 02:17:44 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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Monday, 16 September 2013 07:05:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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Monday, 16 September 2013 17:15:30 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Monday, 16 September 2013 17:16:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 02:34:17 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 02:34:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 11:28:23 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 11:28:27 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 20:49:02 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013 20:49:53 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013 06:10:17 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013 06:10:33 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013 15:22:12 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013 15:22:13 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Thursday, 19 September 2013 01:15:48 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Thursday, 19 September 2013 01:15:49 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Thursday, 19 September 2013 09:44:10 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
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Thursday, 19 September 2013 09:44:14 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Thursday, 19 September 2013 18:54:44 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Friday, 20 September 2013 03:56:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Friday, 20 September 2013 03:56:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Friday, 20 September 2013 12:55:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Friday, 20 September 2013 13:12:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Friday, 20 September 2013 22:28:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Friday, 20 September 2013 23:12:34 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Saturday, 21 September 2013 07:40:16 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Saturday, 21 September 2013 08:51:21 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Saturday, 21 September 2013 16:21:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Saturday, 21 September 2013 18:02:07 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Sunday, 22 September 2013 01:24:07 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Sunday, 22 September 2013 03:27:58 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sunday, 22 September 2013 09:45:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Sunday, 22 September 2013 12:26:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Sunday, 22 September 2013 18:28:09 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Monday, 23 September 2013 03:04:14 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Monday, 23 September 2013 06:22:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.
Monday, 23 September 2013 11:37:51 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Monday, 23 September 2013 21:30:30 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 02:27:33 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 06:45:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 12:10:27 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 16:04:13 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 22:14:36 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Wednesday, 25 September 2013 01:50:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Wednesday, 25 September 2013 08:22:05 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Wednesday, 25 September 2013 11:16:25 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Wednesday, 25 September 2013 18:27:25 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Thursday, 26 September 2013 04:49:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Thursday, 26 September 2013 06:35:07 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Thursday, 26 September 2013 14:57:28 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Friday, 27 September 2013 01:45:56 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Friday, 27 September 2013 02:34:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
Friday, 27 September 2013 11:45:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Friday, 27 September 2013 12:06:43 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Friday, 27 September 2013 23:25:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Friday, 27 September 2013 23:37:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Saturday, 28 September 2013 10:09:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Saturday, 28 September 2013 10:49:38 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Wednesday, 02 October 2013 11:46:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Wednesday, 02 October 2013 13:04:00 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Wednesday, 02 October 2013 23:00:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Wednesday, 02 October 2013 23:00:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Thursday, 03 October 2013 08:41:16 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
Thursday, 03 October 2013 08:41:19 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Thursday, 03 October 2013 18:49:39 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Thursday, 03 October 2013 18:49:56 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Friday, 04 October 2013 05:17:46 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Friday, 04 October 2013 05:17:57 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Friday, 04 October 2013 14:55:34 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Friday, 04 October 2013 14:55:37 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 01:22:00 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 01:22:06 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 10:50:13 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 10:50:39 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 21:00:23 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Saturday, 05 October 2013 21:00:47 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Sunday, 06 October 2013 06:43:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Sunday, 06 October 2013 06:43:33 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Sunday, 06 October 2013 19:37:27 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Sunday, 06 October 2013 23:53:13 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Monday, 07 October 2013 16:19:18 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Tuesday, 08 October 2013 13:14:52 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Tuesday, 08 October 2013 13:38:02 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Wednesday, 09 October 2013 11:20:34 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Thursday, 10 October 2013 04:25:48 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Thursday, 10 October 2013 08:47:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Friday, 11 October 2013 06:24:32 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Friday, 11 October 2013 19:26:19 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Saturday, 12 October 2013 04:28:20 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Sunday, 13 October 2013 01:56:14 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Sunday, 13 October 2013 09:48:37 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Sunday, 13 October 2013 22:38:31 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Monday, 14 October 2013 19:09:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Monday, 14 October 2013 23:30:26 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Tuesday, 15 October 2013 16:06:57 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Monday, 21 October 2013 16:22:01 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Monday, 21 October 2013 16:22:03 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 02:08:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 02:09:08 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 12:58:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 12:58:43 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 23:01:28 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013 23:01:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013 08:59:58 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013 09:01:40 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013 18:54:22 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013 18:54:55 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Thursday, 24 October 2013 04:57:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Thursday, 24 October 2013 04:57:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Thursday, 24 October 2013 14:21:52 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Thursday, 24 October 2013 14:21:52 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Friday, 25 October 2013 00:25:25 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Friday, 25 October 2013 09:40:12 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Friday, 25 October 2013 09:40:23 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Friday, 25 October 2013 20:03:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Friday, 25 October 2013 20:04:09 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Saturday, 26 October 2013 05:57:39 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Saturday, 26 October 2013 15:20:45 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Saturday, 26 October 2013 15:20:54 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Sunday, 27 October 2013 01:47:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+01:00)
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Sunday, 27 October 2013 01:47:41 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+01:00)
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Sunday, 27 October 2013 11:11:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Sunday, 27 October 2013 22:01:44 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Sunday, 27 October 2013 22:02:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Monday, 28 October 2013 08:53:57 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Monday, 28 October 2013 20:58:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013 07:32:02 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013 07:32:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013 19:03:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013 19:03:22 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013 05:47:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013 05:47:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013 16:33:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013 16:33:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Thursday, 31 October 2013 04:07:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Thursday, 31 October 2013 04:07:26 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Thursday, 31 October 2013 16:41:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Thursday, 31 October 2013 17:06:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Monday, 04 November 2013 14:02:43 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
djlmpebwjehjbse, http://www.qzwlcfoifs.com/ tiquxovkgl
Monday, 11 November 2013 21:58:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Monday, 11 November 2013 21:59:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 04:42:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 04:42:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 11:55:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 11:55:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 20:27:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Tuesday, 12 November 2013 20:27:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 04:03:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 04:04:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 11:53:08 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 11:53:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 19:52:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013 19:52:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 03:33:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 03:33:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 10:41:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 10:41:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 18:14:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Thursday, 14 November 2013 18:14:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Friday, 15 November 2013 02:42:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Friday, 15 November 2013 02:42:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Friday, 15 November 2013 09:57:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Friday, 15 November 2013 09:58:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Friday, 15 November 2013 17:46:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Friday, 15 November 2013 17:50:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Saturday, 16 November 2013 02:38:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Saturday, 16 November 2013 08:38:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Saturday, 16 November 2013 09:52:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Sunday, 17 November 2013 00:11:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
Sunday, 17 November 2013 04:04:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Sunday, 17 November 2013 13:25:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Sunday, 17 November 2013 15:40:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Sunday, 17 November 2013 21:52:25 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Monday, 18 November 2013 05:50:22 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Monday, 18 November 2013 06:20:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Monday, 18 November 2013 15:17:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Monday, 18 November 2013 21:42:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013 02:13:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013 11:41:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013 13:55:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013 05:12:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013 05:12:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013 11:40:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Wednesday, 20 November 2013 18:48:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Wednesday, 20 November 2013 18:48:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 01:57:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 01:57:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 08:30:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 08:31:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 14:59:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 14:59:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 22:59:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Thursday, 21 November 2013 23:00:02 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Friday, 22 November 2013 07:21:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Friday, 22 November 2013 07:21:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Friday, 22 November 2013 14:42:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Friday, 22 November 2013 14:42:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
Friday, 22 November 2013 23:39:26 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Friday, 22 November 2013 23:40:00 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Saturday, 23 November 2013 09:34:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Saturday, 23 November 2013 09:39:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Saturday, 23 November 2013 21:21:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Sunday, 24 November 2013 07:16:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Sunday, 24 November 2013 08:49:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Sunday, 24 November 2013 20:25:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
Sunday, 24 November 2013 20:25:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Monday, 25 November 2013 01:45:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Monday, 25 November 2013 01:45:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Monday, 25 November 2013 09:43:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Monday, 25 November 2013 09:43:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Tuesday, 26 November 2013 04:12:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Tuesday, 26 November 2013 07:07:31 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Wednesday, 27 November 2013 11:01:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Wednesday, 27 November 2013 21:17:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Thursday, 28 November 2013 16:12:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Friday, 29 November 2013 08:54:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Saturday, 30 November 2013 22:17:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Sunday, 01 December 2013 02:07:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sunday, 01 December 2013 18:57:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Sunday, 01 December 2013 18:58:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Monday, 02 December 2013 03:07:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Monday, 02 December 2013 03:10:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Monday, 02 December 2013 11:10:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Monday, 02 December 2013 19:17:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Monday, 02 December 2013 19:17:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Tuesday, 03 December 2013 03:19:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Tuesday, 03 December 2013 10:43:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Tuesday, 03 December 2013 10:43:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Tuesday, 03 December 2013 18:39:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Tuesday, 03 December 2013 18:40:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Wednesday, 04 December 2013 02:22:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Wednesday, 04 December 2013 02:22:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Wednesday, 04 December 2013 09:57:08 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Wednesday, 04 December 2013 17:59:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Wednesday, 04 December 2013 17:59:31 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Thursday, 05 December 2013 02:04:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Thursday, 05 December 2013 02:04:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Friday, 06 December 2013 20:39:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Monday, 09 December 2013 19:30:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Monday, 09 December 2013 19:31:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013 04:27:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013 06:12:41 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Tuesday, 10 December 2013 15:17:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Thursday, 12 December 2013 16:43:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Thursday, 12 December 2013 16:43:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Thursday, 12 December 2013 23:53:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Thursday, 12 December 2013 23:53:43 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Friday, 13 December 2013 21:17:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Saturday, 14 December 2013 07:08:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Saturday, 14 December 2013 14:16:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Saturday, 14 December 2013 14:16:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Sunday, 15 December 2013 00:19:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Sunday, 15 December 2013 07:16:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Sunday, 15 December 2013 17:25:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Sunday, 15 December 2013 18:20:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Monday, 16 December 2013 15:32:25 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Tuesday, 17 December 2013 04:30:57 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Tuesday, 17 December 2013 13:50:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Tuesday, 17 December 2013 13:50:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Tuesday, 17 December 2013 22:38:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013 03:49:41 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013 04:00:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Wednesday, 18 December 2013 18:46:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013 18:47:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Thursday, 19 December 2013 05:57:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Thursday, 19 December 2013 06:22:19 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Thursday, 19 December 2013 16:13:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Thursday, 19 December 2013 16:13:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Friday, 20 December 2013 01:11:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Friday, 20 December 2013 01:11:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Friday, 20 December 2013 18:58:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Friday, 20 December 2013 18:58:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Saturday, 21 December 2013 05:06:19 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Saturday, 21 December 2013 05:06:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Saturday, 21 December 2013 16:45:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Sunday, 22 December 2013 07:05:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Sunday, 22 December 2013 15:23:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Monday, 23 December 2013 00:43:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Monday, 23 December 2013 03:18:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Monday, 23 December 2013 13:47:25 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Monday, 23 December 2013 13:47:31 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Tuesday, 24 December 2013 13:29:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Tuesday, 24 December 2013 16:57:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Tuesday, 24 December 2013 16:57:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Wednesday, 25 December 2013 02:22:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Thursday, 26 December 2013 04:32:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Thursday, 26 December 2013 10:43:00 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Friday, 27 December 2013 13:39:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Friday, 27 December 2013 13:39:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Friday, 27 December 2013 22:16:11 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Friday, 27 December 2013 22:16:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Saturday, 28 December 2013 07:14:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
Saturday, 28 December 2013 07:14:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Sunday, 29 December 2013 02:23:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Sunday, 29 December 2013 02:32:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Monday, 30 December 2013 18:45:19 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Monday, 30 December 2013 19:09:22 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013 13:31:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Wednesday, 01 January 2014 01:37:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Wednesday, 01 January 2014 01:38:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Wednesday, 01 January 2014 18:35:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Wednesday, 01 January 2014 18:35:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Thursday, 02 January 2014 03:11:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Thursday, 02 January 2014 04:06:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Thursday, 02 January 2014 15:01:11 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Thursday, 02 January 2014 18:52:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Thursday, 02 January 2014 18:53:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Friday, 03 January 2014 07:23:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Friday, 03 January 2014 21:53:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Saturday, 04 January 2014 02:43:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Saturday, 04 January 2014 13:05:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Saturday, 04 January 2014 13:21:02 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Sunday, 05 January 2014 02:15:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Sunday, 05 January 2014 20:02:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Sunday, 05 January 2014 20:03:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
Sunday, 05 January 2014 21:41:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Sunday, 05 January 2014 21:55:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Monday, 06 January 2014 15:37:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Monday, 06 January 2014 15:37:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Monday, 06 January 2014 20:05:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Monday, 06 January 2014 20:31:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Tuesday, 07 January 2014 08:15:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Tuesday, 07 January 2014 14:07:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Tuesday, 07 January 2014 14:07:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Tuesday, 07 January 2014 18:14:10 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Wednesday, 08 January 2014 01:27:22 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Wednesday, 08 January 2014 12:15:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
Saturday, 11 January 2014 23:14:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Saturday, 11 January 2014 23:16:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Sunday, 12 January 2014 06:37:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Sunday, 12 January 2014 06:38:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Sunday, 12 January 2014 10:37:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.
Sunday, 12 January 2014 11:09:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Sunday, 12 January 2014 23:15:44 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Monday, 13 January 2014 06:44:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Monday, 13 January 2014 19:56:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Monday, 13 January 2014 19:57:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 02:13:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 02:44:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 09:11:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 12:36:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 12:36:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 20:17:31 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Tuesday, 14 January 2014 21:05:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 11:30:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 11:30:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 14:51:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 14:52:22 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 19:09:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 19:09:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 22:45:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Wednesday, 15 January 2014 22:45:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:20:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:21:02 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 05:43:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 05:43:26 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 08:57:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 08:58:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 13:14:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Thursday, 16 January 2014 13:49:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Friday, 17 January 2014 11:46:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Friday, 17 January 2014 11:47:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Friday, 17 January 2014 17:56:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 01:40:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 04:22:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 09:03:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 13:42:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 16:18:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 23:19:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Saturday, 18 January 2014 23:27:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Sunday, 19 January 2014 06:20:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Sunday, 19 January 2014 08:49:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Sunday, 19 January 2014 15:02:08 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Sunday, 19 January 2014 22:19:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Monday, 20 January 2014 00:55:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Monday, 20 January 2014 10:54:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Sunday, 26 January 2014 12:24:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Sunday, 26 January 2014 13:23:11 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Sunday, 26 January 2014 18:34:53 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Sunday, 26 January 2014 22:58:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Monday, 27 January 2014 00:53:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Monday, 27 January 2014 06:56:41 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Monday, 27 January 2014 08:07:02 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Monday, 27 January 2014 13:04:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Monday, 27 January 2014 18:39:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Monday, 27 January 2014 20:34:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 03:17:44 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 04:39:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 09:17:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 13:53:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 15:52:11 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Tuesday, 28 January 2014 23:30:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 00:49:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 05:49:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 10:07:57 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 11:43:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 18:25:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Wednesday, 29 January 2014 20:00:51 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Thursday, 30 January 2014 02:13:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Thursday, 30 January 2014 08:09:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Thursday, 30 January 2014 19:06:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Friday, 31 January 2014 03:09:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
Friday, 31 January 2014 06:53:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Friday, 31 January 2014 09:02:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Friday, 31 January 2014 14:45:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Friday, 31 January 2014 15:35:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Friday, 31 January 2014 22:57:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Saturday, 01 February 2014 03:12:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Saturday, 01 February 2014 06:12:00 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Saturday, 01 February 2014 14:24:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Saturday, 01 February 2014 15:07:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Saturday, 01 February 2014 22:07:08 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Sunday, 02 February 2014 04:15:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Sunday, 02 February 2014 10:23:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Sunday, 02 February 2014 10:57:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Sunday, 02 February 2014 19:45:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Sunday, 02 February 2014 22:25:19 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Monday, 03 February 2014 04:10:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
Monday, 03 February 2014 04:41:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Monday, 03 February 2014 10:11:49 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Monday, 03 February 2014 13:52:57 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Monday, 03 February 2014 17:32:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 01:11:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 01:32:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 07:30:40 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 10:55:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 13:46:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 20:21:18 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Tuesday, 04 February 2014 20:49:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Wednesday, 05 February 2014 02:44:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Wednesday, 05 February 2014 06:17:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Wednesday, 05 February 2014 09:05:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Wednesday, 05 February 2014 15:53:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Wednesday, 05 February 2014 15:58:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
Thursday, 06 February 2014 00:14:36 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 03:42:41 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 07:26:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 11:28:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 12:22:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 18:34:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Thursday, 06 February 2014 23:37:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Friday, 07 February 2014 01:59:25 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Friday, 07 February 2014 08:45:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Friday, 07 February 2014 09:44:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Friday, 07 February 2014 16:22:56 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Friday, 07 February 2014 21:31:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
Friday, 07 February 2014 23:51:39 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Saturday, 08 February 2014 06:34:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Saturday, 08 February 2014 07:34:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Saturday, 08 February 2014 13:22:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Saturday, 08 February 2014 18:32:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Saturday, 08 February 2014 20:23:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
Sunday, 09 February 2014 03:01:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Sunday, 09 February 2014 05:00:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Sunday, 09 February 2014 15:37:12 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Sunday, 09 February 2014 16:30:26 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Sunday, 09 February 2014 23:51:08 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Monday, 10 February 2014 03:23:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Monday, 10 February 2014 07:19:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Monday, 10 February 2014 15:23:23 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Monday, 10 February 2014 22:20:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Tuesday, 11 February 2014 03:32:59 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Tuesday, 11 February 2014 05:56:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Tuesday, 11 February 2014 13:16:44 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Tuesday, 11 February 2014 15:24:17 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Tuesday, 11 February 2014 21:23:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Wednesday, 12 February 2014 04:30:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Wednesday, 12 February 2014 05:47:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Wednesday, 12 February 2014 16:11:09 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
Thursday, 13 February 2014 06:15:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Thursday, 13 February 2014 23:40:47 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Saturday, 15 February 2014 11:41:54 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Sunday, 16 February 2014 15:33:32 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Sunday, 16 February 2014 22:37:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Monday, 17 February 2014 16:43:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Monday, 17 February 2014 17:38:31 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 00:07:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 04:40:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 07:09:19 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 14:15:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 15:18:28 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Tuesday, 18 February 2014 21:56:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014 02:29:15 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014 05:34:25 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014 12:09:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Wednesday, 19 February 2014 20:16:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Thursday, 20 February 2014 01:34:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Thursday, 20 February 2014 03:48:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Thursday, 20 February 2014 11:00:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Thursday, 20 February 2014 17:19:40 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Friday, 21 February 2014 00:28:52 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Friday, 21 February 2014 05:09:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Friday, 21 February 2014 07:49:06 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Friday, 21 February 2014 15:10:37 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Friday, 21 February 2014 16:24:50 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Friday, 21 February 2014 23:17:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Saturday, 22 February 2014 04:17:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Saturday, 22 February 2014 06:33:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Saturday, 22 February 2014 13:49:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Saturday, 22 February 2014 15:03:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Saturday, 22 February 2014 21:22:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Sunday, 23 February 2014 02:28:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Sunday, 23 February 2014 12:28:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Sunday, 23 February 2014 13:42:29 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Sunday, 23 February 2014 20:03:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Why don't you write books people can read?
Monday, 24 February 2014 00:46:00 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Monday, 24 February 2014 03:21:01 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Monday, 24 February 2014 10:24:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Monday, 24 February 2014 11:35:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Monday, 24 February 2014 18:33:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014 00:23:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014 02:50:58 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014 10:26:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014 11:43:27 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014 18:24:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014 00:48:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014 02:11:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014 09:15:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014 12:43:55 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014 16:57:26 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Thursday, 27 February 2014 00:54:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Thursday, 27 February 2014 02:06:05 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Thursday, 27 February 2014 08:30:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Thursday, 27 February 2014 15:19:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Friday, 28 February 2014 00:34:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Friday, 28 February 2014 04:25:04 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Friday, 28 February 2014 08:05:38 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Friday, 28 February 2014 16:30:44 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Friday, 28 February 2014 17:57:34 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Saturday, 01 March 2014 01:20:35 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Saturday, 01 March 2014 08:59:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Saturday, 01 March 2014 09:53:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Saturday, 01 March 2014 19:59:16 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Saturday, 01 March 2014 21:11:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Sunday, 02 March 2014 04:15:48 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Sunday, 02 March 2014 09:29:42 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Sunday, 02 March 2014 12:33:45 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Sunday, 02 March 2014 21:55:14 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Monday, 03 March 2014 05:13:03 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Monday, 03 March 2014 10:25:40 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Monday, 03 March 2014 13:42:13 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Monday, 03 March 2014 22:45:21 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Monday, 03 March 2014 23:41:57 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Tuesday, 04 March 2014 07:52:33 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Tuesday, 04 March 2014 12:21:30 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Tuesday, 04 March 2014 17:22:20 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Wednesday, 05 March 2014 02:54:07 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Friday, 07 March 2014 22:04:46 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Friday, 14 March 2014 16:25:24 (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Friday, 11 April 2014 21:40:42 (GMT Daylight Time, UTC+01:00)
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Comments are closed.